You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize