God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream