Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.