Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY