My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15