Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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