I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You're like the curious george of whores
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
