I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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