a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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