my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Someone shattered a urinal.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
