So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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