You're my little dorito
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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