i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it because I queefed?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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