she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
