when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
