I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
