I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
