the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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