shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
