Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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