On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
