Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
