I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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