U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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