don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
