Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
