Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
