you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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