Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Drunk is not a location!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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