We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
