life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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