the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
