I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
