ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
