She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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