I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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