And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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