Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
