Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
