the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
