I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
