...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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