OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The adults are the big ones right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
