I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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