my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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