Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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