I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize