I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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