It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
