Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
