I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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