I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I want to be your penis for a week.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
