They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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