yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
