I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My cat gives me a boner
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
