That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
