I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
