And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
