I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Come on in and take your pants off
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