literally had 100 drinks last night.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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